Instead of Usted

Writing stream of consciousness is becoming harder and harder for me for many reasons.
But whatever...you're still reading.
I think.
Right?
Are you?

Anyway...
+++
I've come to a recent revelation in terms of my personality. I'm not, as I had once believed, a man of contradictions. I liked to believe myself to be because, for one, it sounds good on paper and for two, my sister described my grandpa to be this in a very eloquent eulogy at his funeral.

Rather than a contradictions, I think I'm more of a man of "instead of"s. Today can attest to this:
Instead of going and paying my credit card bills, I went for a $50 dinner. Instead of finding my sister a birthday present, I hunted for new boots. Instead of investing in some work out gear and signing up for a gym, I chain smoked and drank.
That was just today and that's not even all of the alternative routes I took.


Really, I could go so far as to say, I am a man, not of contradictions, but rather [zing] a person of "instead of good choices".